my ramblings

Feeling very hopeless at the moment. I feel like I am on the verge of screaming and then crying. I wish someone was here to hold me in their arms and talk to me. My husband used to do that. He was so sweet and I miss that side of him. The only time he did want to touch me it seemed the past few years is for sex. There were times I felt so torn by wanting to please him and just be held. The last time I was held by him in sort of loving way without anything in return was when I told him I was pregnant with Catilyn. I was worried that night about what he would do or say. I do miss him and wish that he would go with me for counseling but I am so tired of asking and getting excuses on it. I can not be in limbo anymore it is causing me great anxious and stress which is coming out as me being so irritable and dramatic in everything that happens.