It only gets harder it seems

Well, Brian got out on June 2nd. He moved in with his parents again. I don't think he actually thought I would leave. He did not say much to me when he saw me that night. I did give him a kiss. I have asked several times since then about getting together to talk about things to work out and talk with the Pastor and either get "I don't know my schedule" or "We will see". It saddens me to think that he doesn't want to try to work on the marriage. LAst night he made a statement that he was not going to be working on Friday so he would be going repealing. IF only he would show the attention to the marriage as he does to the fire department and all of his hobbies then we would not be in this mess. I am also distressed. I thought the day we went to Little Rock with Kyle that he would open up. But all he wanted to do was tease. His excuse is it is his addiction. However he does not want to do counseling. I really wish he would and that he would open up and tell me what he wants from the marriage. If he wants us to work things out or if he doesn't want to so I can know what I need to do. I pray for our marriage and him every night. I do miss him but when I talk with him it is How's kids, how was work or when are you going to get that account out of overdraft.

I watched Fireproof finally the other night. It was good. I wished I could have made him watch it before things got bad however I know that this why he did not want to watch it. Guilt was driving him for sure. I am now reading the book written by Clay and Renee Crosse. I hope to get it read and let him read it as well. I am highlighting something things as I go though it. There are lots of things that have went on behind closed doors at the home that have hurt me and have me troubled. I am trying to find someeone to go to and talk with what has went on and get some more counseling and medication to help with the depression and mood swings.

Kyle was evalauated on the 17th at Dennis Developmental Center. They stated he has Hyperkinesis and is at risk for ADHD and mood disorders. He did not have Autism or Asperger's according to the test they gave him. He is back to having difficulty sleeping so I am hoping that the evaulation report will get to Ped soon so we can get him in for a sleep study.

We are not able to have the cats at the apartment due to money being tight. So I am trying to find someone to take them. The kids like feeding the ducks and playing in the pool. My family is helping out some with keeping the kids in pull ups and helping me get my nursing license so I can still work.