Today

well I am going to let the kids go see their daddy this weekend. I took the NET test at Batesville wanting to get in and do RN school. I did not do so good on it but I hope to make it in if it is God's Will. My divorce is off to a start. Waiting on what will happen next. I did finally get back on Food Stamps and Austin is attending a public school. He is doing well in the school. I started him on the Focalin and had to stop it due to the fact he had a reaction to it. He was itching so we stopped it. I have been training an LPN at work so that has been an experience I have enjoyed.

it's ending.....another beginning

I went to Ashdown on the 1st for my 10 year class reunion. I am doing well with all that was there. had a great time. I came back to the apartment on the following Sunday to have divorce papers in my mailbox. I have not received the originals but do have the copies. My lawyer is going to see about getting it thrown out of Cleburne County and into White County. My husband wants the kids and me to have visitation. I want the kids and him and his family only supervised visitation. There are things going on in the family that I don't want to know about but I might need to in order to keep my kids. Please keep us in your prayers as we go through this period of time. I have felt so much better without being around him that I know this is for the best. When things are said and done all the battles are done I will have a decision to make about where to go or stay. I don't know who all is reading so I will not say more. I will say I will fight with all I have and all my parents (both sets) have to make sure I keep custody of the children. This is what will be best for the kids in my opinion.

Hope is lost

I have been a whay for a while. So let me first update you since gnosed Bipolar. I am on medication and well adjusted to it now. On Saturday the 24th I went to get Austin from his dad and grandparents when everything exploded. By this I mean while I was getting Austin's playstation that was there gathered up I was told to stop and leave the room. I was pissed off that Brian had not called me to let me know Austin was not there and not returning phone call to when he will arrive. It seemed that Brian had talked with a lawyer and was advised to keep austin from me. I was unable to see or talk to my son for nearly two weeks. I got him back and to break control from the family I went and enrolled him another school which he says he loves. He has not let me out of his sight since he came back. He said he was Sad that he was unable to talk to me. We went to the DDC and was told that he needed a blood test for thryoid panel to determine if there is a malfunction and to be referred ACH for height less than 3% for his age group. His weight is actually at the 75% now! They (which I disagree) stated no ADD/ADHD indicated, however I am sideing with the first opinion and he will be on medication to determine if it works or not. If he does not need it then it will have the opposite effect or make him sleepy and I will let the doctor know to try something else or close his case for the time being. I have seen him have focus issues as well as others that have been in the household. With the new school he will probably need it since the class will be bigger than just 5 students. It hurts to have to distance myself from my church but they have left me no choice due to stating they are not for what has taken place and have sided with my husband and his family. Now for the latest: THis was the weekend of my 10 year class renioun. We had a great time and pictures will be on my facebook page. We got home to Searcy about 5 p.m. today. I checked my mail box to find that on the 28th (one day prior to going to DCC) Brian filed for divorce and did not say anything to me at the appointment however he did give me Austin back and neglected to ask about the other two children we have together. IN the papers I got today when I got back he expects to get custody for the kids. I don't think so and there will be a big fight with this. Please keep myt family in your prayers as we go through a divorce and custody battle. I am the best one for custody of my kids (yes I said mine since he doesn't seem concerned with them at all). I have been told by this man that I loved and still love that "I didn't want the other two you did" although he now wants custody and me visitiation rights. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH This is all his sis and mom talking and it aint going to happen. They have called DHS and the police on me the past week. I am not going to let it get me down. I know that I will have to trust in the Lord that history repeats itself and he screws up yet again and losses this battle.

Been a while

It has been a while since I posted. I have had my bottom teeth taken out. Had a birthday and my boys have had their birthday. Party was a bust. I am struggling with things that I have turned over to The Lord. I have been reading on the "left Behind" series and am on book 9 of the series. It is a great series and I am understanding more and more about the book of Revelations through my reading of the books. I have switched to a home phone so when I have no minutes I can be reached still. I will post more when I am feeling better. I have found out that I have Bipolar II disorder which is more depressive than manic however I can have manic eposides that can get worse over time.

Summer is about gone.........

It has been a while since I posted. I need to start getting on here daily or weekly to write down my thoughts. I lot has happened since I wrote.

July:

We went to the Pangburn Parade and then we met up with a friend at Little Rock for the rest of the time but we did not watch fireworks this year. The kids are afraid of the fireworks so I did not buy any and we did not watch them. Here are some pictures of our 4th of July (See below text).

Austin and I both went to see the eye doctor. I am getting new glasses and he needed glasses with bifocals! They are working on getting it authorized with his ARKids for him to do Vision Therapy there at the clinic. I also went and saw Dr. Clements (mental health professional) about my self. I have been having irritablity and mood swings at home and work that was starting to concern me. I found out that I either have ADHD with Depression/Anixety or Bipolar II (hypomania instead of the hypermania). So I have been started on Addrellal to see if it helps.

Brian and I have not yet talked. I have tried and get blowed off or there is an excuse of why we can not meet with Bro. Billy at that time. We are for sure going to send Austin to the Christian/Home School. It frustrates me that he doesn't want to seem to talk about things. I am ready but he is not. I ask for something for the kids and he will get for Austin but not the other two. For example, both boys needed boxers/pullup and I told him they needed it well he got Austin some but neglected to get Kyle any so my Mom had to buy Kyle some. I am trying to keep the faith and do Bible Study but it is so hard to hope that things will work out when the door gets slammed in my face with him shutting off from me. I can not seem to get him alone since his family is always around him. I have voiced my concerns to him several times.

Austin did get his glasses fitted and is wearing them to read and play games. Says he can see better with them on. Brian paid his tuition for this month. I was blessed to be able to pay my bills this time with my first check so my next check can be for this month's insurance and next month rent and my glasses. The down side is that paperwork got lost in the mail so my food stamps have been cut off. My grandmother (Dad's mom) has been placed on hospice due to renal failure and is now on morphine patch. My dad called to tell me that we needed to come see her. So next week we are headed to Ashdown to visit with her and the rest of the family before Austin goes to school. When I work Austin will stay with his grandparents for school but when I am not I will take him to school. I have an appointment with him at Families INC in a few weeks. Kyle has already went and got the ball running with him. I like the case worker and have become at ease with him. I went to the dentist for the first time in years and learned that I have advanced gum disease and I could wait for problems or I could get active and get things taken care of before it got bad. I opted to take action so on August 4th I went in and my bottom teeth removed. I have a wonderful bruise on my chin from it as well. In Janurary I will go get the top done. I am going back to work for the first time since it occured tomorrow since I am not hitting the pain pills that much now.

My bruised face-no bottom teeth now :(

Catilyn (Above); Austina and Kyle in pool (Below)

my ramblings

Feeling very hopeless at the moment. I feel like I am on the verge of screaming and then crying. I wish someone was here to hold me in their arms and talk to me. My husband used to do that. He was so sweet and I miss that side of him. The only time he did want to touch me it seemed the past few years is for sex. There were times I felt so torn by wanting to please him and just be held. The last time I was held by him in sort of loving way without anything in return was when I told him I was pregnant with Catilyn. I was worried that night about what he would do or say. I do miss him and wish that he would go with me for counseling but I am so tired of asking and getting excuses on it. I can not be in limbo anymore it is causing me great anxious and stress which is coming out as me being so irritable and dramatic in everything that happens.

What else

I am feeling very depressed, stressed, anxious and feeling like I have been in a pressure cooker and I am about to let my steam out. I have had a very stressful 24 hours it seems. I am trying to discipline my three year old who has ADHD and it backs fire so then I am ticked b/c I am told to discipline him more and stay consisent but then I am slapped in the face by an accusation that I abuse my children. I feel like all are out to get me and against me. THey want to take my kids from me it seems or make my life so mireseable I will want commit myself. I know this is not true but can't feel like maybe it is. I feel like I have no support and keep getting threw down when I try and do soemthign right for myself or my children either parenting or education decisions. I feel like those around me with think I am incompentent to do anything and need to be told how to do something or be disciplined saying I am too nice with my discpline with my kids. I feel like I have no support and all are against me waiting and wanting me to fail at something. I don't like failure at all and am even more ticked that I could be an RN if I had had the support I needed while I was going to school. I wish and wish that I would have been told that the degree I had would not amount to anything and I could have went into nursing sooner.

at the moment I just want to cry, scream and punch things to release this built up pressure. I hate feeling like this. I really wished my husband had kept his nose clean or at least will talk to be about things. It is heartbreaking and disappointing. I feel like I making the same mistakes that family members have bad with their lives. I fear that my three old will grow up and self medicate to control his hyperactivity and impulsiveness.

It only gets harder it seems

Well, Brian got out on June 2nd. He moved in with his parents again. I don't think he actually thought I would leave. He did not say much to me when he saw me that night. I did give him a kiss. I have asked several times since then about getting together to talk about things to work out and talk with the Pastor and either get "I don't know my schedule" or "We will see". It saddens me to think that he doesn't want to try to work on the marriage. LAst night he made a statement that he was not going to be working on Friday so he would be going repealing. IF only he would show the attention to the marriage as he does to the fire department and all of his hobbies then we would not be in this mess. I am also distressed. I thought the day we went to Little Rock with Kyle that he would open up. But all he wanted to do was tease. His excuse is it is his addiction. However he does not want to do counseling. I really wish he would and that he would open up and tell me what he wants from the marriage. If he wants us to work things out or if he doesn't want to so I can know what I need to do. I pray for our marriage and him every night. I do miss him but when I talk with him it is How's kids, how was work or when are you going to get that account out of overdraft.

I watched Fireproof finally the other night. It was good. I wished I could have made him watch it before things got bad however I know that this why he did not want to watch it. Guilt was driving him for sure. I am now reading the book written by Clay and Renee Crosse. I hope to get it read and let him read it as well. I am highlighting something things as I go though it. There are lots of things that have went on behind closed doors at the home that have hurt me and have me troubled. I am trying to find someeone to go to and talk with what has went on and get some more counseling and medication to help with the depression and mood swings.

Kyle was evalauated on the 17th at Dennis Developmental Center. They stated he has Hyperkinesis and is at risk for ADHD and mood disorders. He did not have Autism or Asperger's according to the test they gave him. He is back to having difficulty sleeping so I am hoping that the evaulation report will get to Ped soon so we can get him in for a sleep study.

We are not able to have the cats at the apartment due to money being tight. So I am trying to find someone to take them. The kids like feeding the ducks and playing in the pool. My family is helping out some with keeping the kids in pull ups and helping me get my nursing license so I can still work.

The Littlest FireFighter (Story that will touch your heart)

The Littlest Firefighter

The 26 year old motherstarted down at her son who was dying of terminal leukemia. although her heart was filled with sadness, she also had a strong feeling of determination. Like any parent she wanted her son to grow up and fullfill his dreams. Now that was no longer possible. The leukemia would see that. But she still wanted her son's dreams to come true. She took her son's hand and asked "Billy, did you ever think about what you wanted to be once you grew up? Did you ever dream and wish what you would do with your life?" "Mommy, I always wanted to be a fireman when I grew up." Mom smiled back and said, Let's see if we can make your wish come true." Later that day she went to her local fire department in Phoenix, Arizona, where she met Fireman Bob, who had a heart as big a Phoenix. She explained her son's final wish and asked if it might be possible to give her six year old son a ride around the block on a fire engine. Fireman Bob said, "Look, we can do better than that. If you'll have your son ready at seven o'clock Wednesday morning, we'll make him an honorary fireman for the whole day. He can come down to the fire station, eat with us, go out on all the fire calls, the whole nine yards! "And if you'll give us his sizes, we'll get a real fire uniform for him, with a real fire hat-not a toy one-with the emblem of the Phoenix Fire Department on it, a yellow sticker like we wear and rubber boots. They're all manufactured right here in Phoenix, so we can get them fast." Three days later Fireman Bob picked up Billy, dressed him in his fire uniform and escorted him from his hospital bed to the waiting hook and ladder truck. Billy got to sit on the back of the truck and help steer it back to the fire station. He was in heaven. There were three fire calls in Phoenix that day and Billy got o go on all three calls. He rode in different fire engines, the paramedic's van, and even the fire chief's car. He was also videotaped for the local news program. Having his dream come true, with all the love and attention that was lavished upon him, so deeply touched Billy that he lived three months longer than any doctor thought possible. One night all of his vital signs began to drop dramatically and the head nurse, who belived in the hospice concept that no one should die alone, began to call the family members to the hospital. Then she remembered the day Billy spent as a fireman, so she called the Fire Chief and asked if it would be possible to send a fireman in uniform to the hosiptal to be with Billy as he made his transition. The chief replied, "We can do better than that. We'll be there in five minutes. Will you please do me a favor? When yo hear the sirens screaming and see the lights flashing, will you announce over the PA system that there in not a fire? It's just the fire department coming to see one of its finest members one more time. And will you open the window to his room?" About five minutes later a hook and ladder truck arrived at the hospital, extended its ladder up to Billy's third floor room. With his mother's permission, they hugged him and held him and told him how much they loved him. With his dying breath, Billy looked up at the fire chief an said, "Chief, am I really a fireman now?" "Billy, you are," the chief said. With those words, Billy smiled and closed his eyes on last time. You never realize how your small deeds or a big deal to those that need help in desperate times. Something to think about. Big D and Bubba (radio DJ's in

The past month and a half.....

bathroom at apartment
kitchen in apartment
living room/bar in apartment
catilyn and me at mother's day banquet at church
Austin and Mrs. Perry-Pangburn Kindergarden Graduation
has been like a living nightmare. I have went from having all bills paid by the end of the month to struggling to put food on table for kids and have gas for work and pull ups for them. I asked and tried to get money in order to keep the bills current but failed to get anywhere. On top of trying to get things figured out where the kids and I were going to live before June 1st. I got out of my comfortable zone of trying to stay close to Pangburn and found something in Searcy actually right across the street from where I work. We started moving in the 16th of May and were officially in on the 24th of May. it has been a challenage to say the least and also very exciting time. During this time I have lost a total of 20 lbs. Learned that the kids are my biggest concern and to be confident in myself. 

I had a few things to deal with along the way. Brian's constant concern if the bills were being paid with just my income and little to my mental anguish. I thought and prayed about things before I really made the decision to move out somewhere. I got behind on the house, both vehicles but I did manage to keep the kids in pull ups, food on table when I could, water and electric paid and medications. I talked with a doctor and got back on my anti depressents and started feeling the fog lifting and sleeping better.  It made me bad everytime I talked with Brian and all he wanted to say was what he was going to do with house and projects around the house when he got back home and little concern over our marriage or what we needed to work on. the only mention was that we had both been stressed out. Me stressed...nope can't be when I am the one that cleans house, keeps finances in order, cares for the kids, cares for the animals and works full time at two jobs so the other can get what he wants and comes home and sits down or goes to his parents until it is closer to time I am getting home then he brings kids home so I can get them ready for bed and then start on house work that could have been in process of being done from the time one got off work and the other came home. Reality starting hitting when the dealership called wanting to know if I wanted to take the van back in or start making payments again. I once again tried to find someway to get the money once again dead end and disappointment. Brian came back home on June 2nd. I took the kids out there to see him. No, "How are you" or any signs of affection what so ever with him. Ok, so I had moved out but I had also stated the first time around that if it happened again I would leave for a while. I have asked if he is willing to work things out. All I get is him looking at a magazine saying "I don't know, we will talk later" then when I finally get a phone as a go phone plan so I can be called in or told not to come in for work I call him and all I get is "you need to get the bank account out of the red." "the bank is on me about this account you need to get it out of the negative." When asked if he would help with the kids "Yes, but I need to get things caught up first." It hurts to think that he is not willing to work things out and go to counseling with me and the pastor. I am so tried of it being one sided. Now that we are 30 minutes away from eah other you would think he would try and help get us loser to him again. He had to move in with his parents again and has decided to do repairs on the house. On Sunday (June 7th-my birthday) I asked the Pastor (Bro. Billy) to come over and talk with him. In hopes that maybe it would be the three of us. He sees him and tells me "I think you have company" and walks off. When the Pastor gets in the house and talks to Brian his mom makes a the comment "he is back under mama's roof now so he better keep his nose clean." when he had been doing exactly what he lived there before we met and married.  Only implying that it is my fault that he got in trouble. Everytime I am over there I wish, hope and pray that it ccould be where we could talk with just the two of us but there is alway a third and sometimes fourth wheel in the room so I am not comfortable with talking with him not to mention that the kdis are there. It feels very unwelcoming and like I have to walk on egg shells when I am over there. I left him a note last night that stated he could come to the apartment to visit us as well as us going out there. 

In other things: I do have things worked out with the dealer on van so I am not going to lose it. I have asked him for help but have been denied. That is getting to the norm now. Kyle has an appointment with Dennis Developmental center at AR children's on the 17th. So that should be interesting to ride up there with him and brian although I am sure there will be a third wheel with us as well when we do. 

here is some pictures over the past month and a half.  Austin also Graduated Kindergarden!

It's the end of April

Today is the last day in APril. Time is flying by!

I had my tonsils out on Monday (april 27th). Still hurting from that. feeling good right now...thanks to the lortab just a little stiff feeling is all I have in my jaws. Wish it last longer than 4 hours though.  The boys have been staying with the grandparents. My mom and step dad were unable to come up and my cousin backed out. I have had Catilyn all week. We have been doing pretty good. Butting heads a few times. 

I have an apartment for us to move into. It should be ready on the 15th of May. WHich works out since Austin's last day of school is the 21st of May as of now anyway. I will have to register him with another school for next year. Kyle can still go to the Community School since the bus runs out that way. I have a referral to do to see about gettign Catilyn tested by the School. That way we know if she needs any services. Austin got a FireFly Cell phone is doing pretty good with it thus far. Kyle goes to the Dennis Developmental Center in June for further evaluation. He started on Ritalin on the 16th and has been doing good. DOes have some of his moments where he goes off still but not as aggressive. Changed up his night medications as well so that helps as well. 

Called today to find out about my food stamp application. Was told I never turned in the paperwork she was needing. I let the case worker know I did that same day and the lady at the front desk took everything and stapled it together.  So she is going to try and hunt for it tomorrow. I did get my childcare assistance. So things are coming together. And just at right time. My tags are due on both vehicles so I will need to get the van transferred to my searcy address when i do that and my license expires in June. I am hoping Brian and I can work things out. I have signed a year lease though. So that gives us time apart to work on things as a couple and individually before we move back in together. We will see where we are in a year time. I will try and keep things up to date as much as I can on here. 

I am about ready for bed but wanted to jump on right quick and update on what had been goign on. I am off to get ready for bed. FOr my followers or those that just happen to come by this blog. if you see those ads click on them...I get $ for people clicking on them. 

Bummed

Talked with the bank this morning. Due to my low credit score I am not able to get a loan as of now. So I will start looking for rentals to be in by June 1st when he gets out. I am bummed but I can do it this way. Just pray that I can find something that we can have the cats at.

Final stretch

I am in the final stretch at the tax office, Saturday will be my last day. I took ACLS and passed the Written! but Failed the practical (MegaCode) check off so I am headed back on the 17th to take it again. I twisted my ankle yesterday when I was trying to get catilyn out of the van before work. It is throbing still especially if I bend it.

I am posting a link to a Mother's Day Giveway! So go check it out! http://www.valeriebasham.com/?p=605

Busy time

Brian was moved to Malvern to begin his program on Tuesday. Once again I was not notified of what was going on. His parobation officer called his mom to let her know instead of the WIFE!!!! It aggravates me that I am the wife but treated like second fiddle.

My blood work came back and my mono had reactivated and my Vit D levels are extremely low. So I am on Vit D capsules once a week for the next three months. I talked with the Dr I work with about what was going on and that I was feeling depressed. So he bought me some samples of what I had been taking before. So with everything going on, depression, low Vit D and mono no wonder I felt like crap! I am just blessed that he was able to let me have samples instead of giving me a prescription for it.

Kyle had to stop taking his Adrellal. It caused him to become more hyper. The night medications are still helping and he is sleeping. They were all up at 6 a.m. this morning. Catilyn is getting a chest cold so she has been cranky. Austin is doing good back in school for now and will be going on Easter Egg trip to the park on Friday (10th).

Prayers needed:
My mom found two moles that are suspious on her chest. Skin cancer runs in the family. A friend of mine from a board group (The Vessel) had a nephew to die on April 1st. The boy and his sister were born at 26 wks and he did not make it. His sister will have to have heart surgery and they are burying Jacob today. The mom had no prenatal care so was unaware she had twins. I have to have $250 down or my deductiable met by April 20th when I go for my pre-op appointment with the ENT. My last visit with the doctor was $400 and time before was $150 but don't know how much I have to pay out of pocket on those since insurance is pending still.

Update

Ok, I found out more distrubing things that went on. I still have not gone to see him so I guess I will do that on Sunday since I am off. I am however looking at buying a house. I have started the loan process along with looking at houses. Here is on that I like.

http://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/Heber-Springs_AR_72543_1101617438

My mom is wanting me to come down there but there are not any jobs during the day at the moment and I love my church and friends I have made up here. That way Brian can be close to the kids however he will not be left alone with them at all at least unsupervised. Have a feeling that if the police discover what I did when they look at his phone closely he will be there for quite some time. Still no word from the Det. if they want my computer or not.

Kyle is doing well on the new medication right now. It does mellow him a bit as far as I can see. This week is sprnig break for the boys so we all got to sleep in and of course my eyes open at 5:30 a.m. I am so ready for tax season to be done. I will not be back next year. I will find another nursing job if I want a second job at least then I can work two days and still have two days off. And the boredom is bad.

I am finishing my second round of antibotics for my strep thorat. I will be having tonsilectomy on April 27th and will be off work a week. Two of the ladies at work have offered to help me with the kids if I ever need them to. I am blessed to work with an amazing group of people and go to church another amazing group.

Catilyn is now 2! She definetly has attitude and a personality. She is so silly to watch. She does not like it when brothers want to play with her babies at all. It is such a warm day I wish I was off so we could be at park. Tomorrow it is supposed to rain and then we have church tomorrow night since I will be working Wednesday and I worked Sunday (yesterday). I do like working Sundays though b/c it is so laid back since we don't have Dr comeing in and out. and no one is discharged over the weekend as well. Our Dr is on Spring Break with his kids so we have the backup. She gets them in and gets them out quicker then he does. And she TALKS to them!!!! Lol, the Nurse Mgr has made the regular DR start that and it hates it! He doesn't want to see them or hear them. IF one goes off while he is there we better be doing something or he comes and tells us what to do.

Continue to keep my family and myself in your prayers. We are going through a really tough time that I am afraid is only going to get tough. I am just so thankful that The Lord has provided me with a job that is secure and holds so much potential. I can do a lot of things so I will be able to provide for my kids if I need to.

Update

So it has been nearly two weeks since I posted. I am handling single motherhood alright. I am sick yet again though...another round of strep for me. Tonsils will be coming out on April 27th. 

Last night I went and turned in Brian's cell phone per Det. Kim asking for it. I made my statement to her as well. My inlaws were also questioned. My sister in law did admit to deleting a number off the phone. Not sure what number or why but anyway the police department let her go this afternoon due to her tampering with evidence. FIL is ticked that they are making big deal since they "should have taken it that day then". FIL is urging me to get a will set up so I can name who will take care of kids if I ever have an accident or something while he is in jail that way the kids are not place in foster care. Apparently Brian has been confusing to things to parole officer and they are investigating what has went on. I was told by the Det that I probably needed to get out. I am currently still in our house since I don't want to rent anything at the moment. I did write Brian and sent him some articles from a website that was suggested to me from a lady on Vessels unto Honour. The letter stated guidelines (Attends church with us, counseling with Bro Billy, help out in house, not going to his parents after work unless he is picking up boys, no phone with internet/media net access, go to outpatient or inpatient for his "Impulsiviness") and let him know that we would be doing a temporary seperation when he gets back home. meaning the kids and I would be moving out.  I will talk to him either Friday or Saturday night according to his dad so I guess he had talked to him today while I was at my doctor's appointments. 

Pictures: Top: Kyle,  Middle: Catilyn, Bottom: Austin (oldest)
I am still dealing with the effects of last night. I have shed some tears today. I know I need to make a decision and things going depending on what I decide. I can't go through this we are good for two years and then I am going to screw up. I went through his Blackberry (phone) today and found that he had been on some sites via the internet which is where the parole violation came in at and hence failing the test. He apparently from looking at one site has been doing this since November. His parents are willing to support me and help me with the kids for now but my mother in law was ticked after the last time he screwed up and had to do just one kid and now there are three. The biggest problem will be to get the boys on and off their buses mainly off of them since I work 12 hours when I work at the hospital. I am working at the tax office for another month (until 4-15). I am going to be doing prayer, study and research in order to make my decision. Tomorrow is visitation at the jail but I will more and likely not go just yet. I want him to have time to think and I want time to think as well. I may say things and upset the visit at the moment. Just can't believe after he promised me that he figured out I was the only one he wanted that he would mess up and try to find a "friend with benefits". I am hurt.

And the third occurs

Ok, so things come in threes. We have all heard that saying. First my van's power steering went out so we fixed it. Next we have septic system pumped only to be told things in it needs to be replaced. Then last night on the way home from going to get a part we needed around house my power steering line collapses on its self so I have no steering in van. Then today DH takes me to work this morning and I let him know I was having someone from work to take me and Cady-Bug home from Searcy. I get a text about 645 saying that my SIL is outside waiting for me. So I tell the lady never mind they are here to get me. Then the sitter comes up and says they are going out to eat and can either take her with them or they will wait if I am about done. I let her know aunt is in parking lot so take her to her. I get in the car and we go to Sonic for drinks and me food since lunch was at 1200 today. My MIL hands me my husband's phone and an envelope that has his name wrote on it. I am thinking out a "Dear Jane" letter. I open the envelope to find his check in there. OK that is fine. We get going down the road and again and they drop it. He had been put back in jail on parole violation and will be there for 90 days and will serve it at malvern (2 hours-3 hours from house). He had failed his lie detector test that he is required to take. I am not sure what all he failed and do not know if I really want to know what all happened. My MIL said it was his new phone, he had just got a Blackberry. So I don't know what he did exactly or again do I really want to. So I am now a single mom trying to pay for a house and two vehicles on one salary of being a nurse and working part time at tax office. I wish that everyone be in prayer for us during this trying time. 

Today

Ok, I will post a bit about me and the family since some are getting to know me here.

Brian and I have been married 8 years this July (28th). We have three kids: Austin is 5, Kyle is 3 and Catilyn will be 2 on march 13th. We have had our ups and downs. Brian made some mistakes that just about cost our marriage but I hung in there "For better or worse" even though some including some in my family disagreed with my decision. 

I have a BS degree in Community Health and went back to get RN however I failed two classes thus I was kicked out of the school. I perserved and challenged the state board and got my LPN (Licensed Practical Nurse). I now work in a  gero-psych ward (Dementia/Altzemier's, etc) at the local hospital. I hope to one day (next year I hope) to go get my RN.  

We recently found out from the local psycriatist that Kyle has "Soft" signs of Aspergers. We started him in October at the Community School that has therapists on hand to assist children with disabilities. Austin goes to the local public school. The school that he had gone to for Pre-K (ABC) closed the doors after a drop in enrollment and the school officials closing the school due to budget issues. The school had been up for consildation after he started his first year (2006) and it was determined that a school that was in the same county and 30 min drive from us was better than the school in neigbhoring county and a 5-10 min drive from us. Austin was born with VSD (Ventricluar septum defect- a hole between his ventricles in his heart). He has speech problems so he has been getting speech therapy for three years now. 

Ok, we will see if this works.

I am going to try this again and see what happens.

Austin is sick with a respiratory infection (Viral) at the moment. I have been trying to get my husband to watch Fireproof with me. I rented and then gave up after nearly a week of having it and not watching it then went and bought it so I could share it with family and friends. Now he is getting sick and goes to bed early.

 Kyle is doing much better than that he is on this new medicine that makes him sleep. Still has melt downs but not as bad or frequent. I called in work tomorrow since Austin is sick. I still need to get Catilyn's invites out and get ready for her party. 

I am thinking about having Austin go the Christian school at Church this next school year. However I am not sure how Speech therapy will be done if he does that. Kyle will stay at Community School as long as he can. Brian's concern is getting one in and then not affording the three of them and them saying why did he get to and we didn't. Yes, I know I am ramblying but at the moment my mind is going and going. I am hoping I can get some sleep tonight. I seriously need to see what it takes with my insurance to get to a see a psycatrist for myself. I would see the one that Kyle is seeing right now and he works at MY HOSPTIAL (WCMC Logo). 

I am so proud of myself. All though Ihave felt like crap today I have managed to get laundry just about done and dishes just about done. The boys bedroom is picked up and swept. Now I guess tomorrow I will clean off bar and get out checkbook since it is almost payday again and see what I can down medical bills wise. Also need to see about getting to dentist and eye doctor and chiropractor for sure. 

Ok, guess I will stop here. I have already read my two chapters in Revelations tongith and still need to do my prayer time before I got to bed.